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Over the summer I was asked to be a children’s leader at the Bible Study I have been attending.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Bible study was my alone time. My time to myself, the few quiet hours of adult interaction sans kids. They were now asking me to give that up, to teach even more kids, and on top of that teach kids that weren’t even mine.

I had to think about it.

Right!?

I mean how is one supposed to come to a logical decision when one thinks that the question is seriously insane.

Well, God nudged, do it.

So, I answered a reluctant, yes.

I found that as the summer went on my heart began to soften to the idea and I became genuinely excited. I mean, I would be planting the seed of truth into twenty little people’s hearts. A seed that wouldn’t truly flourish and blossom and produce fruit until much later. But I would be there in the trenches helping these parents show their babies Jesus. And really, what excuse could I come up with that made for better use of my time.

When I was meeting with my teaching leader she warned me that a lot of the time when we say yes to God, we are met with a spiritual battle to keep us from following through. I heard this and tucked it away. It was a truth that I had shared with many that I have mentored along their faith journey, but I figured I would be okay. I knew it was a great possibility but I would be ready.

Friends, my life for the past six months has been in upheaval. Granted it’s amazing things, things I am blessed to even be experiencing, the selling and buying of a home, being the wife of a small business owner, the mama to four little ones, all amazing things, but all things that are being used as pawns in this spiritual battle.

I have felt sort of off the past few weeks but I wrote it off as the chaos of being in between homes. Yesterday morning was something different though. I drove to church and felt something brewing inside of me. As I stood in line to get coffee before service started I felt I might at any given moment become overwhelmed with tears.

As I sucked down the caffeine I thought was needed to pull me out of the funk, I pushed the tears back. I walked inside service and felt strange, almost angry and somewhat annoyed with everything and everyone. I didn’t feel at home, and this was not normal, as my church has been my home for years.

The music proceeded and I sang along, until finally I just closed my eyes and listened.

I need you, Oh I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness. Oh God how I need you.

The bass from the band pounded in my chest.

I stood there with my head down in silence and suddenly, without any knowledge of it, felt the tears streaming down my face.

He had won.

The battle was real my friends. I was in the middle of it and I finally allowed the Lord to do what he does, to do what he has already done. But this battle is far from over, I still feel it. And while I can try and push it off on the issues with my home closing or living with my parents or being too overwhelmed with my to do list, the truth is, there is a war for our souls. It is a daily battle. One that has already been won, but can continue to happen. So our constant prayer, the song our heart must sing every single day…

I need you, Oh I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness. Oh God how I need you.

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