neverever

Do y’all remember that game you would play when you were a kid….

“Never would I ever…”

You would make up some funny one liner, or a very serious, not even a hint of a joke, never would you ever statement.

But either way, it would always include a circle of you and your friends all sharing your biggest never ever ever statements.

That game is all fun and stuff when you’re little but I feel like the second that you grow up, that game becomes a chess game for God.

Never would you ever not go to college….lets change these events….check. 
Never would you ever meet the love of your life on a first date….ohh game changer….check.
Never would you ever have babies while you are a baby…..check, check, and maybe a few more checks on that one. 
Never would you ever home school (because those people are just plain crazy)…..oh she’s not liking this one, check, hey you can run and scream and hide and kick and cry and quit, but CHECK CHECK CHECK.

Yeah, I mean…I am not mocking the Lord…..but….sometimes that is exactly how it feels.

I know His ways are always better than mine and I can look back on each one of those check marks knowing that they have been some of my greatest treasures in life. They have been pieces of my story that I would never change. Pieces of my heart that have been sewn together through the never would I ever game.

But, still.

Guys.

Do you ever realize that usually every single time you say never ever ever God says, yes, yes, yes. He enjoys working in your life in the grey area. He’s not black and white. He doesn’t fit into this perfect mold that we shape Him into…and thank GOD for that. If He had worked things the way I wanted Him to…sure life would be cozy, life maybe would even be good, but I wouldn’t be me and it wouldn’t be this. I wouldn’t be stretched and grown and BLESSED.

I remind myself daily that life isn’t designed to be cozy. Some of my best work comes amidst the struggle and the chaos. Because that isn’t my work. I can’t claim any of it. It’s His.

The young bride who was selfish and entitled and lazy and disrespectful….yeah, God used that, he changed that, and by His grace that marriage is still here and even more beautiful than day one.

The mom who was a baby herself, barely having learned how to cook and clean and even care for herself outside of her parents, birthing not one but two babes. Then struggling to stay home and keep her head above water all the while keeping two little humans alive. Yeah, that wasn’t her, He was weaving His grace and strength through that season day in and day out. And by His grace, those two tiny humans multiplied to four and she has kept them all alive.

The homeschooling mama who is kicking and screaming and crying and quitting her way through teaching her babes, well, she’s still here, and He is weaving that grace and strength with the freaking big yarn. Because y’all this story is still being told, this story is hard, but His grace is good.

But don’t you see?

I couldn’t do a thing without His grace, and His strength.

And I am not really sure I would even want to try!

The stories and the seasons may be hard, but they are always sweet. There may be struggles and pain but amidst that there is goodness and joy. Through the storm we see the beauty, and that makes it worth it over and over again.

Now instead of sitting around a circle of friends spouting off never would I ever scenarios, I think I would rather play the game of, never did I ever think. Followed up with a…but GOD. That game will check your heart right at the door.

Every, single, time.

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