We began our homeschool year last week.
It is so crazy to me the journey that the Lord can take us on. Just last year as I was prepping the boys and rushing them out the door I was so thankful to have the days to myself, to have someone else in charge of their learning, and to just be able to do my own thing for a few hours during the day.
While none of those thoughts have really changed…I still love my alone time and crave it, I still think that I need to be able to do my own thing, I have began to see the change in my heart about me wanting to be the one in charge of their learning. Seeing their eyes opened to new things, allowing them to explore what interests them, and helping to instill a true love for learning, that is now so exciting to me.
Since beginning this year I am noticing such a huge change in our family dynamic. What was once rushed hurried and chaotic is now less stressful, relaxed, and slow. I see the changes in just their everyday actions, my older son who tends to be more anxious is now more at ease in the slowness of our days, my other son who is more inquisitive is excited to learn more and spend less and less time behind a screen. My boys used to spend most of their days fighting and arguing and being truly hurtful to one another, now they are spending their days laughing and playing and really building that stronger relationship that I always longed they had.
I can say all of this is because I decided to make that change, or I can be honest and say that all of this is the fruition of years of prayers. Years of tears and hard work and anguish over how to better their education. How to help them where the school couldn’t. And years of being on my knees asking the Lord to help but still running into the same dead end. What seemed like a dead end at the time, was now just a stepping stone to where we are now. Mainly because my heart didn’t change overnight. It wasn’t some shift that just clicked into gear, it was a slow change and one that I went through kicking, screaming, and clawing all the while telling the Lord that he was crazy and I knew better. But once I allowed that shift, and I really needed that shift I began to allow the Lord to make my heart ready for it, and then the prayers started to be answered.
I think that’s the way most things work. As stubborn hard hearted people we need to need the change to really allow God to work. But God, thankfully doesn’t give up on that, He doesn’t see our stubbornness and walk away, no, He sees that stubbornness and gently pushes and guides us into the direction we need to go, the direction that is best for us, and the direction He ultimately always had planned for us.
You see, His ways are greater than ours, they are bigger and better than we could ever ask or imagine. We just have to get out of our own way and allow Him to work, because I can guarantee you that in hindsight it will always be better then what you could have ever accomplished on your own.