Last year was my first time choosing a word for the year.
I chose peace.
I look back at all we went through and wonder if I would have known, would I still have chosen that word?
From the selling of our home, to living with my parents, to losing a home, then another, and another, and then settling upon this one right before the holidays, all that turmoil and change and inconsistency, did I feel peace? True straight from the source peace?
I think in my heart of hearts I really did.
I learned the bigger picture. That no one except God is truly in control and that in the midst of all the wrong He is making right. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it was a year of growing and stretching and learning. Learning to trust in him and his plan and learning to be humble and realize we cannot have everything we wish and dream and hope for.
So this year as I was trying to settle upon a word, I decided to look through the Bible for inspiration. To listen to what God was whispering to me, what he would like for me to concentrate on and really see this year.
I kept being drawn to slow.
Such a funny word really, who strives to be slow?
It’s a word that doesn’t fit my personality. I am one to go and do. To constantly fill up my plate. To stay busy and get things done. But how much do I miss when I am doing that?
I miss spending time in the word. Letting it seep deep down into my soul. I miss sitting on the floor playing with my kids watching their eyes and learning their laughter. I miss sitting with my husband and seeing him, and choosing him over the long list of to dos. I miss allowing myself to rest and be present and fully aware of those around me. I miss the woman who needs a smile. The friend who needs a kind word. The stranger who needs help.
I miss amazingly important opportunities to show those around me Jesus.
I get frantic and stressed and wish the kids into bed.
I miss all the good and get consumed with the lists.
So this year I choose to slow.
I choose to listen, to see, to feel, to observe, to stop doing and to start being.
Just like last year the Lord will use this word to shape me and mold me in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine, and I am okay with that.
Use me Lord, change me, shape me, and slow me.